New parents have a lot of big decisions and changes to make as they embark on the beginning of their journey with their new baby. And although our generation is “all about baby,” parents might want to talk to each other about how their marriage will be affected by the life-altering change of adding to their family.
Parents Prepare for Baby
Having a baby for the first time is a huge life event and many new parents read as many books as possible, surf the internet for resources and/or take classes to prepare themselves to take care of this precious new life. It’s important and valuable for parents to prepare for the baby, but often what new moms and dads are not so prepared for is the impact a baby can have on their marriage.
Baby Impacts a Marriage
Before baby, the married couple could spend their “undivided attention” on each other. But the time that was spent on just two is now shared between three, and often all of the available attention and time goes straight to the new baby. The baby is completely dependent on his or her caregivers and it’s important and only natural for new parents to be making the newborn their focus. But throw in the stress of dealing with a completely new situation, learning how to cope with the loud cries of a needy baby and sleep deprivation and it can lead to some rocky moments between spouses.
New Parenthood and Difficulties in Marriage
It might not be talked about often, but conflict and growing apart can easily happen between husband and wife following the birth of a baby. Neglecting a baby leads to serious and obvious consequences and neglecting chores around the house leads to obvious messy and dirty results. It’s a lot easier to neglect a marriage because there are no obvious signs like a pooh-filled diaper or stacks of dirty dishes to show that something needs to change. Husbands and wives can also assume that their marriages are strong enough to be put on the back burner for awhile, but couples can pay for this later. The relationship can reach an all time low before partners recognize that they have been neglecting each other.
Couples Need to Take Time for Themselves
While it is necessary for parents to do all they can to meet the needs of their new baby, they should not feel guilty about having some quality alone time. Moms and dads need to take time out for themselves as individuals and as a couple. New parents might not be able to squeeze in a movie and a date night, but even a TV dinner with a candle as soon as baby has gone to sleep can do the trick. Talking about the importance of having a strong relationship and making a conscious effort to keep the bonds between partners strong will help keep a marriage going during these exciting but challenging times with a newborn.
Taking care of a new baby is a wondrous responsibility, but with it also comes new challenges for making time for the relationship between the parents. It’s easy for a marriage to be neglected once a baby is first born, and many new parents have had this experience. Talking about this reality ahead of time and making sure to make time for each other as a couple once baby is born can help keep everyone in the family feeling loved and happy.
Also check out The Importance of a Happy Marriage for Family.
References:
Eisenberg, Arlene; Murkoff, Heidi; and Hathaway, Sandee. What to Expect the First Year. New York, New York: Workman Publishing, 1996.
Schafer, Alyson. Breaking the Good Mom Myth: Every Modern Mom’s Guide to Getting Past Perfection, Regaining Sanity, and Raising Great Kids. Mississauga, Ontario: John Wiley & Sons Canada, 2007.
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